Category — Dolls

This certainly has been a busy summer for Barbie. First the epic battle with rivals The Bratz, then the battle with a record-sized catfish in North Carolina, and Barbie has come out shining like a star every time. Barbie has also been reaching out to her fan base with the cloyingly cute site BarbieGirls.com. MSN calls it one of Web 2.0’s Most Ridiculous Sites for a good reason. Just click on the link to BarbieGirls. I challenge you. If you are over the age of 11 and that ceaseless music (with no mute button) doesn’t drive you completely mad in about 5 minutes, congratulations, you are probably in line to be the next Gandhi.

I have to admit that I am stunned that toys like the plastic Barbie fishing rods are so durable, yet I am also encouraged by that durability–and the fact that Barbie has outdoor gear for girls, even if all the products are only available in shades of Pepto pink. And I just found out that there are Barbie learning toys that actually teach numbers and math, so it seems like Barbie is slowly getting a little more substance beneath all that fluffy style. But don’t worry, there will always be plenty of fabulous Barbie dress-up games, too.

However, I worry for the future of Barbie and The Diamond Castle-related merchandise. Princess Barbie’s pink gown is in a shade very similar to Disney Princess Aurora’s gown; I’d hate to see Barbie on the receiving end of an intellectual property smack down like the one Mattel laid on The Bratz. Especially when they two worked so well together on the Disney Princess Barbies!

Breaking news: Looks like the ongoing battle between Barbie and the Bratz finally has a winner. “Queen Pimp” Barbie has been declared Bordello Madame and will be receiving a piece of all the Bratz’ earnings. Several of the Bratz are apparently very upset with the decision and are rumored to have already submitted their resumes to the Bunny Ranch.  Stay tuned for more info!

As if Strawberry Shortcake recent make-over wasn’t depressing enough…reader Amanda sent a link to The Shocking Cost If Strawberry Shortcake’s Makeover Was Real on Mainstreet.com. The grand total: $23,675.19. The article includes cost analysis for each nip and tuck, including the $485 freckle removing.

The phrase “freckle removing” makes me want to shudder. I guess now I just have to hope and pray that somebody doesn’t get the great idea to give Rainbow Brite a makeover. I don’t think I can bear to read about her star removal.

There’s some very Berry bad news on Jezebel today…the Powers-That-Be at American Greetings decided to re-vamp my beloved Strawberry Shortcake to look like this:

This makes me want to cry. I NEVER EVER EVER would have thought to give Strawberry Shortcake a make-over because she never needed one. I guess she’s ready to compete with Barbie and the Bratz now, though.

You can call them Barbies and Bratz dolls and fight about the distinctions between the two if you’d like, but I prefer to call them “The First Serious Knock to a Developing Girl’s Self Esteem.” First of all, there is the body type which is biologically impossible to possess without extreme plastic surgery. If Barbie were human, she’d look like a Vegas stripper, and the Bratz’ lollipop heads and stick bodies absolutely scream “severe eating disorder”. Already, these dolls are creating an impossible goal for young girls to aspire to, but the dolls don’t stop at catalyzing body dysmorphic disorder and self esteem issues.

The doll pushers take it a step further and add hooker clothes and matching make-up to the dolls, as if to obliterate any connection to the “reality” of the female body. These dolls are designed for the male fantasy as much as Playboy is, even though they are intended for little girls. I have to admit, though, that Barbie comes across as more of a high-end escort, while the Bratz seem more like the less wealthy but equally slutty friends of Paris Hilton.

I intended this to be more of an informative post than a rant, but obviously I have some unresolved Barbie issues that need to be addressed before an informative post on these dolls can happen. So, more later…