Posts from — March 2008

The Wiggles are basically a group of dudes who sing pretty lame songs that for some reason, children love. The Wiggles apparently tour the US, Canada and Australia pretty frequently, so there is a good chance the child in your life may cajole you into taking them to a Wiggles concert. Unless you love Pop-y classics like “Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car”, “Do the Monkey”, or the eponymously titled “Get Ready to Wiggle”, I recommend ear plugs (and if you have a designated driver, plenty of alcohol. I don’t know how a concert of this magnitude could be tolerable without a decent buzz.) I would recommend trying to steer the toddler in question away from the concert and towards many of The Wiggles toys and items that don’t actually play music. There are plenty of Wiggles books, backpacks and kids’ clothing options to satisfy any Wiggle-loving individual. And if the kid really, REALLY wants to sing along, Wiggles DVDs are a lot less grueling to endure than an actual concert.

SheKnows.com has this great post on extravagant baby gear and gifts, perfect for the infant who already has everything. My favorite is the $17, 000 diamond-encrusted pacifier that is not recommended for actual use. Babies like to put things in their mouth even when those things don’t look like things that they are supposed to put in their mouth, so of course it makes perfect sense to present them with this “fabulous keepsake”. I predict a rash of highly-publicized emergency room visits in the next few years as celebrity toddlers swallow tiny pave cut white diamonds after confusing the shiny bauble for their actual pacifier. Oh well, at least TMZ will have something to talk about.

I noticed a plastic Elmo toy called the Sesame Street Giggle Doodler in the back window of a Mercedes today. Yes, I am ridiculous enough to be able to identify the kind of toy I see in the back of a car driving past. Anyway, it brought to mind a few more random Elmo thoughts that I want to jot down before moving on to m next kid mystery:

• I originally thought Elmo was the result of some genetic experiment combining Grover’s DNA with a turnip, but it turns out he actually has a whole back story that includes a mother who is possibly named Gladys, a mustached father named Louie and an older sister named Daisy.
• In addition to being annoying, Elmo dolls sometimes make creepy threats–check out this video. (Notice the mother says that her son was hooked on Elmo ever since he saw Elmo on his diaper. I think she is probably referring to Pampers Pull-up, which currently feature Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go. When I get to my post on Dora the Explorer, I will be curious to see if her face on the Pampers sparked the current Dora craze.)
• Another Elmo death threat.
• And then there’s Masochist Elmo, who demands beatings. I am starting to think someone at the manufacturing plant has a sick sense of humor.
• This makes me feel like I am truly living in The Matrix, but according to Wikipedia, “Elmo is the only Muppet ever to testify before the U.S. Congress.” Ummmmm…..all the stuff that is going on in the world, and ELMO gets to address a Congressional Subcommittee????? I am all for supporting arts education, but is Elmo really the best spokesperson? Apparently the former Congressman who proposed this as a good idea either wanted to annoy his fellow members of Congress to death, or assumed the members of Congress had the mental capacity of 3 year olds who can only refer to themselves in the third person and wanted to engage them at their own level.
  
• An Elmo impersonator was arrested and taken away in handcuffs for harassing tourists near Hollywood and Highland a few years ago.  Will there be no end to the crimes?
• O.M.G.  I just found this new Elmo toy -Elmo Live!  I am scared, and not just because of that weird Satanic altar-like background in the video.  O.M.G. Does a doll really need to do all that?  It’s freakier than the clown from Poltergeist!  Elmo Live is due for nationwide release in October, which means it will probably be high on the average toddler’s Christmas wish list.  The article mentions “A pre-sale opportunity will be available in the spring for consumers to reserve Elmo Live for delivery on October 14th.”  I think anyone who needs to shop for tots should get on that, in spite of how freaky and potentially annoying Elmo Live seems to be.  I foresee a full post devoted to Elmo Live in the future.

Ok, I’ve had all the Elmo I can stand for one day.  Next post: The Wiggles.

I think most parents have a love/hate relationship with Elmo. On the one hand, parents love the hours of amusement and distraction the tinny-voiced puppet provides their little one; on the other hand, they loathe the non-stop high pitched “singing” and “giggling” that is Elmo’s stock and trade. Oh, it’s cute at first, when the baby timidly pushes the button on Tickle Me Elmo or Chicken Dance Elmo, is surprised and then starts laughing. Adorable. Kodak moment for sure. The problem is that once is never enough for the toddler who has discovered Elmo. They will keep pushing that button over and over and over, once they figure out how to do it. They will cry and scream when a frustrated parent says “Enough” after hours and hours of noise and takes Elmo away. They will beg and resort to tantrums to have their friend Elmo returned.

You may be thinking, if Elmo toys are so annoying, why should I buy one for Baby X? Well, the annoyance is part of the fun, especially if it is not YOUR Baby X. This “annoyance factor” is a feature that distinguishes memorable gifts from truly unforgettable ones. Elmo toys are pretty much instant hits with almost all kids, so the kid will be totally psyched to receive the toy. They will want to play with the toy frequently. The kids will think you are the coolest for getting them such an awesome toy. The parents will undoubtedly notice their child’s devotion to the Elmo toy, and will thank you every time they see you. In fact, they’ll start thanking you whenever they see Elmo, whether or not you, the gift giver, is around.

In my case, I gave a Chicken Dance Elmo to my niece about 5 years ago. Elmo got passed to her cousin, then back to her younger brother, then to another cousin, then to another younger brother. Elmo was sent to live the the grandparents a couple of years ago to minimize the total amount of Elmo exposure, to no avail. Now, every time the word “Elmo” is uttered, every adult in ear shot cringes and voices an exasperated, “Thanks, Aunt T!”, while the kids drag Elmo from his latest hiding spot and start that music playing again. That singular gift, handed down many times already, has cemented my reputation as the “cool aunt” with 5 kids. Even in spite of my siblings’ promises and thinly veiled threats to return the Elmo favor when I have kids, I still think it was an incredible return on investment. If Elmo ever does it make it into my house, though, we may have a problem.

I love kids, but I don’t necessarily “get” them. They are into a lot of stuff that, frankly, I find a little annoying. But, therein lies the beauty: not being a parent myself, I only have to deal with these annoyances in teeny tiny doses. And a little knowledge of what kids like makes it easy to hit a home run in the gift department every time, at least with the kid in question. So I’ve decided to compile a top ten list of things kids like that I don’t quite understand.

1. Elmo

2. The Wiggles

3. Disney Princesses

4. Dora the Explorer

5. Thomas the Tank Engine

6. Freaky looking dolls like Bratz and Baby Alive

7. Cars

8. Nickelodeon

9. Blue’s Clues

10. Hannah Montana

So stay tuned for my in-depth reports coming soon!

Please bear with me as this blog is still in development! I am an overwhelmed aunt who has a heck of a time figuring what to get all the little ones in my life for birthdays, Easter, Christmas, Halloween, or just whenever! I love spoiling the kids with the coolest toys and the cutest little outfits, but there is SO much information on the Internet and it is difficult to wade through it all. So, the concept behind this blog is that it is a place where I can focus on the best baby stuff I find on the web. For the time being, check out my blog roll. It links to some of my favorite baby sites on the web.

–Cheers!

Aunt T